


Moving to New York

by anabanana119



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Episode: s01e28 The City on the Edge of Forever, F/M, M/M, New York City, Time Travel, domestic fic, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2017-12-15 13:53:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anabanana119/pseuds/anabanana119
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While they wait for Bones to arrive in The City on the Edge of Forever", Kirk and Spock discover the joys and frustrations of living together. Meanwhile, their developing affection for one another slowly becomes more apparent, even as Kirk falls for the kind and beautiful Ms Keeler. </p><p>This story will focus on the drama and events we didn't get to see in the original episode, plus in the episode's aftermath. Lots of RomCom-like silliness and general angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just LOVE the idea of Kirk and Spock being housemates in this episode, and doing everyday human things (like cook and wear PJs). This should explain the constant ridiculousness.
> 
> It's a bit random, but I've added "soundtrack suggestions" to act as background music, or to symbolise what's going on with the characters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack:  
> -Moving to New York by The Wombats  
> -In the mood by Glenn Miller  
> -Winter Winds by Mumford & Sons  
> -Feels like we're always going backwards by Tame Impala

Captain James T. Kirk fumbled with the keys as he attempted to let him and his First officer, Mr Spock enter their apartment. It was clear that he had not used such a contraption since his childhood in Iowa. Spock watched with his arms crossed, as Kirk consistently failed to identify the correct key.

'I am tired Sir, I do hope this won't take any longer,' said Spock, struggling to hide the fact that he was mildly amused.

Kirk replied with a short laugh as he finally managed to open the door,

'You know I would hate to miss out on a chance to entertain you, Spock!' the Captain replied as he swung open the door to reveal the small living room/bedroom. 'Besides, it built up the excitement of seeing our lovely new place!'

Spock's eyebrow raised in response and Kirk turned to give him a wide grin. It was evident that the Vulcan was not too pleased with their early 20th century "flop" Edith Keeler provided them; Kirk assumed it was due to the lack of computers and technology in general. However, it would have to suffice until Doctor McCoy appeared in this time period.

The room had two single beds, with two doors leading to what they expected to be the kitchen and bathroom. There was also a small living room, with two leather armchairs and a large radio.

Kirk had a wide smile on his face as he collapsed into one of these armchairs, still feeling the excitement of speaking to Edith earlier that evening. He felt as if Edith brought a part of him back to life again, the part that yearned for a carefree life of romance and no responsibility, a break from the pressures of being Captain.

As he wondered, he could almost forget about Bones' absence and time-travel in general. It would so easy to stay, to simply spend time with Edith and gradually get to know her. However, he knew that this was not possible; it was inherently illogical for him to even consider abandoning their mission entirely.

 _Damn_ , thought Kirk, _Spock's influence even affects me when it comes to romance!_

While Kirk sat and daydreamed, the Vulcan was keeping himself occupied with the radio, contemplating what parts he could use to build an external computer to amplify his tricorder's power.

Kirk couldn't help but feel a surge of affection as he watched Spock struggle with the technology surrounding them. In his own way, his First Officer was evidently grouchy. Kirk had to turn his face away from Spock to hide his amusement, and the blush that was appearing on his cheeks.

Yet, whatever feelings he had for Spock, they were mixed and confused. Weeks ago, the Captain had been truly shocked at the intensity of his jealously as he watched Spock hold hands, and laugh with Leila on Omicron Cetti III. He felt almost disgusted with himself when he was genuinely glad Spock had to break her heart. Kirk had never seen that side of himself before, and afterwards, when it was necessary to explain the events in his logs to Starfleet, he couldn't bring himself to reveal why the spores had not worked on him initially...

Plus just today, Kirk had felt a slight twinge of guilt when he first noticed his attraction to Edith, as if he sensed he could hurt Spock by paying attention to her. Kirk could not help being drawn to her, though; he was captivated by her insight and beauty. Besides, he had convinced himself that the Vulcan would never return any such feelings. Spock always seemed to be in his own little world, where there was no need for romance or physical intimacy. Although, Kirk realized with embarrassment, it wasn’t stopping him from occasional flirting with the apparently clueless Vulcan.

***

After fiddling with the radio for a half an hour, Spock left the Captain alone and retreated to the bedroom to meditate.

Spock was feeling pessimistic about the computer situation; a part of him was beginning to think they would be stuck in the early 20th century for eternity.

Kirk would be fine though, he has Edith! He thought with a twinge of bitterness that shocked the Vulcan. Though this human female had helped them significantly, Spock could not stop feeling generally irritated for reasons he could not determine. Indeed, he knew he was extremely protective of Kirk, and did not want to see him fall for a woman that he could not realistically have. However, it did not explain Spock's acerbic, prejudiced view of the human female especially since she had only shown kindness.

Spock quickly let go of such baffling emotions, and concentrated on the more important tasks related to computer engineering and the" Guardian's" time travel mechanism.

***

'Spock! I have made an excellent discovery!' Kirk's called loudly from the bathroom, where there was also a linen closet, 'Pajamas!'

Spock broke out of his meditative state as the Captain strode out of the bathroom, wearing the most ridiculous set of pinstriped sleepwear, of which Spock had only seen in old human films.

'Are they necessary for the onset of sleep, Captain?' the Vulcan asked tiredly, as Kirk leapt onto the second bed and laid his head on the pillow, with both arms cradling his neck.

'Well no- but I'm sure they help. Why don't you try them on and perform a scientific analysis yourself?' Kirk replied, with a reassuring expression he knew Spock could not ignore.

Spock, clad in a similar pair of pajamas, found it hard to suppress a glare as Kirk burst into laughter.

'In all my life, I have never seen anyone look so uncomfortable!' cried Kirk, once he managed to stop laughing, 'This irony is almost too much to bear.'

'I do have to admit... they are a logical choice for sleepwear, Captain. But I do prefer my Vulcan robes,' Spock answered as he climbed into his own bed.

'Of course Mr Spock,' said Kirk jokingly, fully knowing Spock was feeling anything but logical, 'but I believe I will consider buying you a pair for your next birthday,'

Spock's eyebrow rose in response. He lay down and immediately felt sleepy. The sound of his Captain chuckling apparently more comforting to the Vulcan than his flannelette sleepwear.  
  


***

'Spock...Spock! SPOCK!'

Spock opened his eyes and sat up in bed with a start, concerned that his Captain was in danger.

Kirk was standing fully dressed at the foot of Spock's bed, though still unshaven and with uncombed hair, with an attempted look of seriousness on his face.  Spock knew straightaway that nothing was indeed wrong; he recognized when Kirk was straining to hold down laughter. 

'I'm hungry, and our kitchen has _absolutely_ no trace of food,' Kirk said, with a brief gesture directed towards the kitchen.

It was soon after sunrise, judging by the amount of light streaming into the small room. Time travelling had disturbed Spock's normally precise body clock, but he guessed it was approximately 6 a.m.

Spock couldn't help but groan slightly over his Captain's determination to annoy him.

'Unfortunately, food replicators have not been invented yet, Captain. I believe in this time period, humans relied on _markets_ to find what they needed,' said Spock as he got out of bed, 'however, we must first report to Ms. Keeler for work.'

Kirk sighed, suddenly realizing how hungry he really was. He only hoped that Edith would at least be at the missionary while they worked. Merely thinking about her presence filled Kirk with excitement.

Spock observed the change in Kirk's demeanor at the mention of Ms. Keeler, and immediately felt a pang of displeasure. He got out of bed quickly to fetch his clothing, which he unintentionally grabbed with enough force to get Kirk's attention. Kirk, with a look of confusion, opened his mouth to respond to Spock's behaviour,

'Spo-'

'Excuse me Sir, but I ready myself if we want to get to work on time,' Spock said, much more shriller than he anticipated. He proceeded to almost sprint into the bathroom, leaving Kirk gobsmacked.

After a brief moment of shock, Kirk chuckled to himself, strongly resolved not to think too seriously about what just occurred. He did not want to push Spock, assured that his First Officer would completely withdraw from him and their friendship if he attempted to discuss this flagrant display of emotions. And whether it was out of fear of rejection, or denial of his own emotions, Kirk just couldn't bring himself to believe that Spock could _possibly_ return his affections.

***

Spock stood under the cool stream of water, (unfortunately hot running water was another technology that the early 20th century severely lacked), and once again attempted to solely focus on building a computer from primitive materials.

 _I am in control of my emotions_ , he thought desperately, not being able to deny the illogical nature of his behaviour.  He currently felt embarrassed more than anything, evident by green blush he saw upon his face in the mirror before closing the shower curtain.  But before he could clarify or begin to understand his chaotic thoughts, he heard someone enter the bathroom- even an awkward outburst of Vulcan emotion couldn't stop Jim Kirk from the fun of teasing Spock.

'Hey Spock I'm just shaving, if you don't mind!' Kirk cried loudly over the sound of running water.

Spock instinctively tried to cover his privates, despite fact that the shower curtain was completely opaque.

' _Captain!_ Must I remind you how the Vulcan race values privacy? Or is this another example of customary human behaviour?' 

'Well no, but we need to hurry if we don't want to be late for work, and you've been hogging the bathroom for a century,' Kirk replied calmly as he picked up the razor, 'Just keep going about your business.'

'Your comment is highly irregular I have only been in here for 5.5 minutes, Sir!' Spock implored, 'And I am merely cleaning myself, not negotiating business arrangements.'

'Spock, I mean just ignore me!' Kirk said with a laugh, 'My Vulcan friend, sometimes you- oh never mind. At my first few years at the Academy, I had to share a bathroom with ten others, now that was irritating!'

Kirk continued to talk about his Academy dormitory memories, failing to engage Spock into the conversion. The Vulcan felt _very_ awkward talking to the Captain of the Enterprise in his present state.

'...but _then_ she told me if I ever accidently used her toothbrush again, I would- Ouch!' 

Kirk dropped the razor into the sink after accidently cutting himself on the chin,

'Looks like I'm not used to these olden techniques...' Kirk began, just as Spock frantically opened the shower curtain to ensure Kirk wasn't injured.

'Jim!' yelled Spock, but within milliseconds realized that the situation was not serious. Before Kirk had time to turn around, Spock covered himself with his hands.

Kirk roared with laughter as Spock turned bright green and quickly grabbed his towel. 

'Oh my, I wish McCoy was around to hear this!' Kirk managed to say between bouts of laughter. He walked out of the bathroom smiling widely. Well, he had to find the whole things humorous to overcome the severe awkwardness. However, a twinge in his groin made him aware that he could not help feeling a little disappointed that Spock had covered himself so quickly...

'Captain I do not wish this event to be shared, _especially_ with the Doctor!' called Spock, who was now changing into his clothes, 'And you may have been severely injured!'

'Sure, Spock,' Kirk answered, now slightly overwhelmed by how frankly, _endearing_ Spock's reaction was, 'I am flattered by the thought that _even in nakedness_ , my life should still be a priority to you. Starfleet hasn't commended you enough!'

'I certainly agree with that last remark, Captain,' Spock replied earnestly, as he fitted his navy blue beanie onto his head. Spock then proceeded to exit the apartment, as if to act like nothing unusual had happened. He hoped that Dr McCoy would appear soon, as he wasn’t sure how much longer he could tolerate living with the Captain without resorting to a Vulcan nerve-pinch.

***

After their morning work at the 21st street missionary, they walked to the nearest marketplace Edith recommended for lunch, and to find supplies for 20th century computer construction.

'At this stardate, Captain, Vulcan had already began sending manned vessels into our solar system,' said Spock with an air of superiority as they strolled past a stall selling spare automobile parts. 

'Of course Mr Spock, shall I apologize on behalf of all humans?' Kirk replied sarcastically, 'or better yet, let's track down one of your mother's own ancestors!'

Kirk looked around him, feigning a search for such relatives, as his First Officer's eyebrow rose in response.

'You may stop, Jim. I understand your point. I am merely pointing out how difficult it is going to be to purchase the parts we require,' said Spock, failing his attempt to not be amused by Kirk, who was continuing to look around the marketplace for one of Spock's ancestors.

'In this period computer technology I will have to rely on vacuum tubes or valves, rather than microchips,' Spock continued, determined to ignore the Captain's immaturity, 'your first real computer, ENIAC hadn't even been thought of yet.'

Spock continued to discuss ancient electric circuits and power generators as Kirk picked out food for the day's meals. Kirk couldn't keep a smile off his face; Spock seemed genuinely excited about his project, his passion for science evidently overcoming the fact that they were currently stuck in the early 1930s. 

'Captain, I see no logic in spending money on baked goods, they serve no nutritional purpose,' Spoke stopped his one-man discussion on computers, as he realized Kirk had been excitedly looking through the window of a Jewish bakery for the past few minutes. 

Kirk turned around, immediately face to face with Spock's clearly unimpressed expression. 

'We've been through a lot Spock, I'm sure our blood-sugar levels are low,' Kirk said earnestly, 'And say what you want, but bagels always triumph over logic.'

He strutted into the bakery before Spock had a chance to retort. Yet Spock made a mental note to investigate the Captain's claim about bagels' apparent historical greatness once they were back on the Enterprise.

The two then separated to continue their search for useful parts or tools, though Spock noticed that Kirk immediately walked towards a florist; obviously fulfilling his desire to buy flowers for Ms Keeler. He watched Kirk, whose delight was evident in his every aspect of his body language. His golden skin shone in the sunshine that flooded the marketplace, his smile got the attention of almost every young woman that passed by. To Spock, Kirk seemed ignorant of the fact that the source of his current happiness was, in fact, finite.

Though the Vulcan's face was expressionless, on the inside Spock was filled with concern. He knew that he cared for Jim Kirk just as he cared for his own family, and for that reason he was divided over how to approach Kirk's developing affections for Ms. Keeler.

On one hand, Spock wanted Kirk to be happy and prosperous. Spock assured himself long ago that it was a woman, a wife that could give him children, whom Kirk was searching for, and longing for. Even if a relationship with Edith would be short-lived, at least Kirk could leave with joyful memories. So although their romance irritated Spock for reasons he could not understand, he couldn't bring himself to deny a temporary remedy to Kirk's innermost troubles, the deep loneliness within him.

However, since they do not belong in this time period and would return to the 23rd century as soon as they fixed the events Dr. McCoy altered, it was clearly not logical to pursue Edith. A heartbroken Captain would not be beneficial to the crew of the Enterprise, and personally, Spock knew it would pain him to see his friend get hurt.

Spock felt frustrated at his own inadequacy. He could determine how to construct circuits for a 20th century computer, but literally did not know _how_ to approach his friend and discuss such emotional matters. Even the mere thought made the Vulcan feel uncomfortable and awkward.

After purchasing as much equipment he could find at the market that day, Spock decided to rejoin Kirk, whom he found struggling to carry his bounty of food and flowers.

'I think I got too excited about all this fresh fruit, puts the replicators to shame!' cried Kirk, as he delightfully showed his First Officer a single orange, as if it had the power to find McCoy and return them to the 23rd century. But the Vulcan was evidently in no mood for lightheartedness. 

'Captain, you have spent half our earnings on apples and bagels alone! I still need the valves, and tools to construct my interface!' Spock said sourly, 'It astounds me that human's can be so nonsensical when it comes to their priorities.'

'Relax, Mr Spock! Let's go back to our flop, I'm gonna make us some dinner,' Kirk said reassuringly as he placed a hand on Spock's shoulder, 'I am taking this all seriously, I hope you don't think otherwise.'

Kirk looked up at Spock fondly, and saw the concern in his dark-brown eyes slowly fade. Although, he still sensed some tension in the air- something other than a bag of apples was disturbing Spock.

Though still skeptical, Kirk broke their eye contact and turned away from Spock. They walked back home in silence, together confused by words that remained unspoken.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested soundtrack for Chap 4:  
> Lonely Boy- The Black Keys   
> White Blank Page- Mumford and Son's  
> Someone else in Mind- Washington

'At least we're getting twice the money if both of us are working,' said Kirk as he swept the floor of the missionary's cafeteria, in response to Spock's desire to return to their apartment and finish the circuits he didn't complete the previous evening.

Kirk noticed Spock's fatigue, the usual physical symptoms, in addition to the mental symptoms: low mood, and increased introversion.  Kirk felt a surge of sadness for his friend, for this to be evident in a Vulcan Spock must be under immense stress.

Spock sighed inwardly, and continued to wipe the tables with a damp cloth, ignoring Kirk's friendly touch to his upper arm. Spock was beginning to consider the possibility of a permanent life in early 20th century Earth, because logic dictated that they required a "Plan B" if they failed to restore the proper course of time.  If it happened, Spock would have to live in secret, or at least be on the move constantly. There was no way he could _fully_ integrate into this society, and not necessarily due to his physical appearance. Living amongst humans in the 23rd century could be difficult at times, hence the _20th_ could only be worse. 

Spock glanced at Kirk, who now had his back to him. It would be easier for Kirk; Spock would leave him alone to enjoy his time with Edith. Spock knew he couldn't selfishly drag Kirk into exile, no matter how much the thought of leaving his human friend pained him.

'Spock I have no idea how long we'll be here, but I _know_ you'll figure it out!' said Kirk, who turned back towards Spock, 'But I don't want to see you kill yourself in the process. Come on, let's take a quick break.'

'You go, Captain, I need to finish a couple more jobs,’ Spock replied with slight enthusiasm, in order to deter Kirk from worrying.

Kirk willingly left Spock alone, realizing he had an opportunity to see Edith.

He found her upstairs in her office, a small room, furnished with elegant wooden desk and chairs. There were two armchairs by the window, which were placed around a coffee table with a chessboard.

Edith greeted Kirk with a warm smile, welcomed him inside, and amiably refused to acknowledge his apologies for taking a break from his work downstairs.

'Nonsense, Mr. Kirk. I do desire company, I have nothing but accounting to do today,' she said pleasantly. 

'I wish I could help you with that, you see I'm not much of an expert on money,' Kirk replied, with amusement he realized that he was in fact lying, _and_ telling the truth at the same time. The absence of "money" as it was known in the 20th century _was_ indeed making it difficult for Kirk to budget what they were earning from the missionary.

'Join me in a game of chess?' Edith asked, though she was already making her way over to the board, 'I find it relaxing when I get bogged down in dollars and profits. Coffee, Jim?'

Kirk nodded and smiled in response, as she immediately stood up to pour him a cup. As he sat down in an armchair, he leant forward to fiddle with one of the rooks. Kirk's expression slowly turned serious, because out of the blue his subconscious seemed to scream:

_Spock._

Thus, there it was, a wave of guilt, which seemed to eventuate from absolutely nothing. Indeed, Kirk only played the game with Spock, but he never associated it _purely_ with the Vulcan.  Most of his fond memories with Spock involved particularly epic rounds of chess, which normally resulted in days of bickering and boasting by the loser/winner. Moreover, it was during less epic rounds that conversation predominated, and overtime they became more like friends, than a Captain and First Officer.  Chess was the source of their _friendship_ , and playing the game with the beautiful woman in front of him wasn't going to jeopardize his memories. Yet, Kirk was still deeply unsettled, he felt as though he was being... disloyal.

'Everything alright?' Edith's concern broke Kirk out his trance, he realized he had been staring at the board intensely. 

She placed the steaming cup of coffee in front of him and went to close the door to the office and, as if to give them more privacy.

Kirk smiled reassuringly at Edith, determined to convince himself that he was being ridiculous. It was only _chess_.

***

Spock poured himself a glass of water and stood back to admire his handiwork; every piece of furniture in the cafeteria was completely spotless. The cook had arrived to begin preparing for the lunchtime service, Spock felt compelled to leave, in order to avoid awkward conversation with the kitchen staff.

He decided to locate Kirk, so they could eat together and then return to the apartment to continue their other work.

A fellow missionary worker informed him that his 'work partner' had gone upstairs to Ms Keeler's office. Well at least that's what Spock believed he heard; he was still struggling to fully understand the strong New York accent.  

Spock heard Kirk's laughter, followed by female giggling, a few paces away from the office. The door was slightly ajar, allowing Spock to see them without revealing his presence.

Something abruptly snapped in Spock, as if there was an elastic band in his primitive limbic system that had been stretched to its highest capacity for a _very_ long time. The sight of Kirk and Edith playing chess felt like a smack in the face, and the ensuing confusion over this influx of emotion made him feel faint. Spock flattened himself against the wall outside, gasping for breath, eyes trying to focus on something...anything.  

 _I appear to be experiencing a panic attack;_ Spock's logical mind thought fretfully, such a physiological state was almost completely foreign to Vulcans. Moreover, as if to spite him, his Vulcan hearing continued to pick up their conversation: Edith was apparently winning the game because she gasped in delight; Kirk was _complimenting_ her performance; Edith expressed her desire to see Kirk again.

Suddenly Spock was the frightened and angry boy of his past, taunted by classmates who were amused by the fact that he could possibly be motivated by emotions, and who sniggered when Spock cried over the death of his pet, I-Chaya.

When Kirk came back into his thoughts, he brought pain, betrayal, and astonishment: Spock couldn't rationally put it all together. Even with his mother's guidance, he had failed to learn how.

Before Spock realized it, he was running through the streets of New York, attempting to find his way home. He reached the apartment and almost broke the door down in his desperation to be alone. Spock managed to inhale adequately enough to begin to analyze, though his hands were shaking uncontrollably.

Illogical as it was, chess was _their_ "thing", a joy that Spock felt he couldn’t share with anyone else, and was sure that Kirk could not either, because Spock had taught him how to play.

Indeed, to Spock this game had become an almost sacred reminder of his true friendship with Kirk, a relationship that was leading to Spock's increasing acceptance of his human half. Kirk was one of the only beings to accept who he really was, a man who was willing to be close to him without pushing Spock to be more logical or more emotional. For Kirk and himself, chess represented a break from the real world, and Spock irrationally treasured this time spent together. Just seconds ago, he was sure Kirk felt the same way. He saw Edith taking Kirk away from him with his own eyes.

 _Am I not enough for Jim?_ He thought with a strong surge of anger, _Am I so faulty?_

Spock felt the tears stream down his face before he could try and stop them. His pounding heart seemed to ache. His pride was injured, and the stability he felt in his relationship with Kirk was shattered. Still, Spock felt his care for Kirk, which was so overwhelming that it seemed to weaken every muscle in his body. His care made him want to yell out in misery. 

 _Why would friendship ache like this-? Unless...it is_ aesha* _that I experience?...Indeed, I do not feel my koon'ul* to T'Pring._ Spock was beginning to feel drained by his thoughts, which seemed to be going down a dangerous path...

He sat down at his worktable, and began a futile attempt at continuing his tricorder amplifier. He ripped the blue beanie off his head and threw it at hard as he could against the wall.

Spock knew his reaction could only be explained by deep affection, an emotional and passionate attachment to Kirk. Spock was certain because he could not fathom the thought of Kirk being with someone else, _no one_ else could possibly protect him like Spock knew he could.

Spock was ashamed to think of Kirk in such an illogical and possessive way, yet his shame was clouded by pain, of which only now he understood the source. Kirk's infatuation with Edith was too strong for Spock to deter him now. Hence, just as he had determined before today, Spock knew he was doomed to watch Jim Kirk fall in love with another.

So, despite his protectiveness over Kirk's happiness, and the disgrace of letting emotion motivate him; Spock was more determined than ever to return to the 23rd century. But if they failed, Spock would have to be ready to leave Kirk: the one he had thought of as _t'hy'la_ without even recognizing it.  

***

Kirk returned to their apartment later that night, finding Spock already in bed. Spock had only just managed to fall asleep, his emotional experience only slightly mitigated by hours of meditation that afternoon.

Kirk was of course, ignorant of Spock's torment. Yet, the puzzling sight of a tear on Spock's cheek caused Kirk to sleep very little that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Vulcan terms Aesha and koon'ul mean love and betrothal, respectively.  
> -Sorry if Spock's breakdown seemed a little erratic and jumpy. To me, Spock is quite immature when it comes to understanding emotions/expressing them healthily, hence that's the only way I could express his confusion.  
> -Also, acknowledgments to my dear friend, Luci, who inspired me to expand on the chess/intimacy metaphor. Oh boy, did I expand!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: trying to figure out what food was available/how much it cost in the 1930s is just too arduous. I apologize for any historical inaccuracies.
> 
> Soundtrack:  
> -A perfect 2, by Gypsy and the Cat.  
> -Drumming Song, by Florence and the Machine.

It was just after sunset, Spock had begun work with the parts they managed to uncover, while Kirk, Captain of the starship Enterprise, attempted to make a vegetarian stew.  
His cooking skills originated from merely observing his parents and other family members during adolescence, a fact that he deliberately withheld from Spock earlier.  
Oh, the hell with it! Kirk thought to himself when he entered the kitchen, making dinner was the least he could do for Spock, since Kirk wasn't very helpful in the computer-engineering department. He rarely got to show how much he truly appreciated his First Officer, his best friend, and also couldn't possibly resist a chance to show off. Besides, they currently couldn't afford to go to a diner or restaurant to eat.  
'Captain, are you certain that everything is alright?' Spock called from the bedroom, as Kirk dropped a saucepan for the ninth time, and then proceeded to swear extensively. Spock noticed he had taken off the 'new' (stolen it from another clothesline) green-collared shirt he had been wearing; he didn't even want to ask why.  
Kirk poked his head around the slightly ajar door of the kitchen, and smiled at Spock to reassure that he had everything under control. Kirk then walked back to the stove, and grimaced at what he had managed to create.  
The pot on the stove contained the first stew attempt, which was now a depressing mass of burnt vegetables mixed with the scorched cotton shirt he had taken off to put out the fire.  
'Shit...' Kirk muttered, hoping that his next attempt would be successful only because he feared he would run out of clothes to put out fires with. He had actually hoped to wear the green shirt to his date with Edith the following evening.  
'Mr Spock, I once wrestled an adult Gorn single handedly, I'm sure I can handle chopping up root vegetables!' he yelled in Spock's general direction, as he began to peel potatoes.  
Spock struggled to suppress a gasp as he entered the kitchen, determined to help Kirk. In fact, Captain Kirk looked as though he had fought a dozen Gorns, with his red face, small forearm burn, and stained/ripped undershirt.  
'How you managed to rip your undershirt by making stew, Jim, there can be no logical answer,’ said Spock, with a hint of exasperation, 'I must help you if we intend to eat before the start of the 21st century.'  
Spock picked up a knife, and began chopping carrots by Kirk's side. Kirk was absolutely annoyed at himself for admitting defeat, but was amused by Spock's blatant sarcasm; the poor Vulcan must be starving.  
'Although the range of ingredients are very different, I can attempt to recreate a stew my mother used to make whenever she felt... homesick, as humans say. Unfortunately the replicators on Vulcan could never produce it for her. We should also cook these eggs you purchased,' said Spock, not seeing Kirk's look of surprise. Spock rarely mentioned his parents, let alone a personal childhood memory. It must have been a special memory of Spock's, if he was able to recall a recipe.  
Kirk imagined it would have been difficult for Amanda to adjust to life on Vulcan, just as it was difficult for Spock to grow up as a "half-breed." Amanda's story always fascinated Kirk, though he barely knew anything about her or Spock's father. He wanted to ask more about her in particular, but knew he would be pushing Spock a bit too far.  
Kirk watched Spock carefully handle the chopped vegetables, and placed them in the clean pot on the stove; the Vulcan was deep in thought, as if he were calculating warp-drive fuel usage.  
This is nice, Kirk thought to himself, other than playing chess, he and Spock never spent much time casually together. Even when shore leave was granted, Spock generally stayed aboard the Enterprise to catch up on work in the science labs.  
Soon enough, the stew was left to simmer on its own. Spock got started on the eggs, a fresh ingredient that Kirk was lucky to discovery at the market.  
'Food replicators are pretty damn useful, but I see how we've lost a certain art,' said Kirk, as Spock gave a gesture to indicate it was time to add the beaten eggs to the frypan.  
'I agree, Captain. Perhaps we should frequent the ship's kitchens, and help you improve your stew making skills?' Spock replied, feeling heat rush to his cheeks all of a sudden.  
Kirk gave him a small smile, and his eyes sparkled. Kirk almost felt honoured that Spock wished to spend more time with him, even after their disagreement earlier that afternoon. If Kirk wasn't so infatuated with Edith, he may have been able to believe that there were alternative motivations to Spock's request. Yet, he remained ignorant of the fact that this was one of most arduous things Spock had ever done.  
'I've added oregano, salt...I require dill weed now,' Spock was immediately back to business, as he gestured towards the open pantry, 'There's a bottle of dill weed on the second shelf to the left, right behind the nutmeg.'  
They continued to finish their dinner, side by side, with the radio loudly playing the latest "swing" music in the background. Spock paused every few minutes to make sure he was following the memory of the recipes correctly, plus also to raise an eyebrow at Kirk whenever he tried to offer an ingredient suggestion, ('Hey! We've gotta use these apples for something!').  
Although it would be unconscious, it was not until decades later, in another kitchen of another realm- that Kirk would show how special this moment was to him.  
***  
Much to Kirk's dismay, Spock felt that it was logical for Kirk to do most of the cleaning-up, since he was responsible for the disastrous state of the kitchen. Plus the smell of Kirk's burnt attempt at edible food was frankly irritating.  
'Don't make me pull rank on you, Spock!' exclaimed Kirk, after Spock refused to serve him dinner.  
Spock watched Kirk from the small dining table in the kitchen, with a hint of amusement on his face. Kirk had his rubber-gloved hands deep in the sink, struggling to scrub off the first stew attempt.  
'Ridiculous. Just spiteful of you, Spock. Your stew better be pretty damn good!' Kirk ranted, though he struggled to suppress a grin.  
'Captain you have already failed as a chef this evening, please don't repeat the same failure as a dishwasher,' Spock said.  
'Well, at least I can't set anything on fire,' Kirk retorted.  
Spock nodded in response, as he helped himself to half a buttered bagel covered in scrambled eggs, ignoring the fierce glare he received from Kirk.  
***  
Kirk could feel the butterflies in his stomach multiply as he stood at the door to Edith's apartment, with one hand holding a bouquet of assorted flowers, and the other compulsively flattening his blonde hair. It was obvious that he hadn't properly courted a woman in a while.  
Edith answered the door quickly; she greeted Kirk with a wide smile that made him weak at the knees. He struggled to not violently thrust the flowers towards Edith.  
She was wearing a dark blue, v-neck dress, which was mostly covered by the thick, knee-length black coat. Her lips were red and cheeks rouged, in accordance with the fashion of young women of the time.  
'Why hello there, Mr. Kirk,' Edith said genially, 'Oh, these are beautiful. Thankyou.'  
'You're very welcome,' Kirk replied, giving her the most charming expression he could muster to cover up his nervousness.Edith linked her arm with Kirk's, she was flattered, but also endeared by his obvious jitters.  
They ate dinner at a small, family owned Italian restaurant a short taxi ride away, conversing, eating, and drinking for hours. They spoke of their favourite authors, Edith admired her favourite Hollywood stars, and Kirk learned even more 1930s lingo.  
When he looked back, Kirk would describe this evening as magical. Edith's hope for the world, her devotion to the missionary, and her intelligence that spited her middle-class upbringing, all warmed Kirk's heart in a way no women had before. Kirk could tell his passion was going to cloud his future judgments as a Starfleet officer, but at that point he did not care. And so, by the time they bid goodnight, he knew there was no chance of reversing his feelings for Ms. Keeler.  
'Look at us, Mr. Kirk, enjoying ourselves, while the country is in disaster,' Edith had said sadly, she looked out the window beside them, though the heat of the restaurant had fogged them up.  
Kirk could see the anger behind her heart-wrenching expression, he reached out across the table to place his hand over hers as Edith turned her head towards him.  
'I guess, this is all we have in times like this,’ Kirk said gently.  
Edith took his outstretched hand into her own, both seeming to understand that they were in a world they did not want to be in.  
***  
On that same evening, Spock continued on the work that was paramount for returning them home. The evening was bitterly cold, and snow had started to fall in the city, masking some of the bright light emanating from the skyscrapers in the distance. Their apartment was intensely quiet, but Spock heard chatter and laughter from a jazz bar nearby. It fascinated him that human's could still manage to keep New York City so thrilling and entertaining in the midst of an economic depression.  
Shivering in the ice-cold apartment, Spock sat at the small table trying to construct a computer logic circuit. There was a fireplace, but they had no wood or fuel for a fire, and Spock felt he had no time to search for something just for comfort's sake.  
The task at hand was frustrating, and Spock struggled to suppress the irritation that would override his ability to think rationally. Only a logical mind could possibly finish this circuitry tonight.  
Spock looked out the window; the snow was falling heavily now. He absentmindedly fiddled with some of the wiring he had completed, his logic not rousing him to continue his work.  
He wondered where Edith had taken Kirk tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: I hope you like my rather sneaky reference to ST VII: Generations, I like to think that Spock wasn't completely ignored in that movie (...even if I had to formulate it myself).  
> Also I apologize for brushing over any scenes with Kirk/Edith, I would like to focus on them more... But the story would end up being twice as long!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for seeming lazy by stealing some dialogue from the actual episode; sticking to the canonical scenes in the episode is the only way to make my story coherent. 
> 
> Soundtrack: Wonderwall- Oasis  
> Don't Speak- Glee cast (in memory of Cory Montieth :( )  
> Where I stood- Missy Higgins

Jim Kirk had absolutely no idea who or what aggravated Spock, but for the past couple of days being around the Vulcan had been a nightmare.  Kirk assumed it was stress, although the progress on the computer had been excellent. It was now composed of several units, with hundreds of valves and wires that made it look like a device from Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory.

Spock's mood distressed Kirk, because this was no time for a rift to come between a Captain and First Officer. He of course cared deeply about Spock; hence it also upset Kirk to see him so downcast. 

Kirk  _had_  quite successfully offered Spock a distraction one evening, because he was making the atmosphere of the apartment unbearably miserable. That evening, after cleaning the kitchen, he approached Spock defiantly, his hands on his hips:

'Spock, you've been working yourself to death! If I didn't know better I would say you're beginning to get snappy towards me,' said Kirk, with an attempt to stare Spock down.

Spock merely replied with a raise of an eyebrow, and continued fiddling with his tricorder.  Kirk knew he was thinking something along the lines of "Vulcans don't require rest".  Well, he wasn't going to give up that easily.

'I refuse to listen to your excuses, Mister, we're getting out of this dreary building even if I have to drag you by the ears,'

Spock looked up at him, evidently thinking of a logical retort.  

'We're going to the cinema down the road to relax, and that's an  _order_ , understand?'  Kirk said with as much determination as he could muster.

Kirk found it very difficult to not roll his eyes at the crestfallen, purse-lipped Vulcan, who looked as though Kirk had asked him to dance the foxtrot.

Naturally, Spock could not ignore a Captain's order, so he was compelled to grab his coat and follow Kirk outside. Spock did not want to offend Kirk further by refusing, yet he also felt a sense of joy over the fact that Kirk was choosing to spend his evening with him, and not Ms. Keeler.

He also realized that he had not been hiding his emotional state sufficiently, as Kirk was beginning to notice his inner conflict. It was only natural; the human knew Spock and his usual behaviour incredibly well.  Spock was resolved to convince Kirk that his emotional state was not on the verge of catastrophe.

'Captain, I am only a little familiar with entertainment history, but I recall that non-silent movies were becoming the norm?' Spock inquired.

'Yes, you're right. ,' Kirk said, only barely hiding his happiness over Spock deciding to come willingly, 'I guess it would've been one of the best sources of entertainment, considering prohibition of alcohol is still in full force.'

Kirk rushed ahead when they arrived at the cinema, very eager to find out what movies were being shown.

'Look at that! A whole film dedicated to Abraham Lincoln!' Kirk cried excitedly, he was a considerable admirer of Lincoln and everything the 16th president of the USA said or did.

'I believe you have already made me watch that film with you, Captain,' Spock said matter-of-factly, 'you would not stop pointing out the historical inaccuracies.'

'Oh, right then- Oh my god, "Animal Crackers"!'    
Kirk went up to the poster and enthusiastically pointed it out for Spock, who was absolutely puzzled.  

'It's a fantastic comedy by the Marx Brothers! One of their first major movies,’ Kirk replied to the uncertain Vulcan, 'You must have seen Groucho Marx while studying this period of Earth history?'

Captain Kirk then proceeded to place his index finger on his upper lip, as if to mimic Groucho's famous moustache.  Spock's eyebrow continued to rise.

'May I suggest... "All Quiet on the Western Front", err... Captain?' Spock said slowly while watching Kirk, who gradually drew his finger away from his face.

'That just sounds depressing,' said Kirk, who had the look of a child just being told they couldn't have dessert after dinner, 'We came here for leisure!' 

'The so-called "Marx brothers" seem overwhelmingly.... illogical,' Spock replied.

'Precisely why I think you'll enjoy it, Mister Spock,' Kirk said, as they made their way over to the ticket booth.

'How may I help you?' the elderly female employee inquired, she had been watching their bickering with mild amusement.

'Two tickets to "Animal Crackers", please ma'am,' Kirk said, with a light hearted glance at a still unsure Spock.

The Vulcan returned an exasperated look that clearly said  _Fine, have it your way._

Kirk smiled reassuringly at the ticket seller, and soon enough they sitting down in the plush seats of the theatre; Kirk's grin only grew wider at the thought of the multitude of complaints about human behaviour Spock would dwell on afterwards.

Spock did not regret their movie choice, in fact the constant sound of Kirk's laughter calmed him just as well as meditation. Yet his sense of peace only made him feel sadder. It was illogical to be so  _reliant_  on Kirk, in a way that only bondmates could feel for one another.

Turning his attention back to the movie, Spock was resolute to enjoy this evening with his friend, rather than over-analyze, and subsequently ruin it. He found that he had started to appreciate the slapstick humour; Kirk was correct, the "anti-logic" was quite enjoyable.  Although, Spock knew he would have to hide such a realization from Doctor McCoy.  The teasing would certainly last for the entirety of their five-year mission.  

***

When Kirk returned from the market the afternoon after, he noticed there was a  _slight_  improvement in Spock's mood.  Spending time with him must have helped after all.

'Captain, I  _must_  have some platinum,' Spock said exasperatedly, then continued to exemplify his reasons for requiring one of the most precious metals. Kirk was quite right; the improvement in mood was minimal. Yet to Kirk, Spock's brooding was only increasing the temptation to tease the irritable Vulcan. 

Kirk explained that his paper grocery bags merely contained necessary food, and that he had spent quite a lot of money and effort finding every other part Spock required (he then mentally recalled the tragic absence of bagels in his purchases).

'Mr Spock, this bag doesn't contain platinum, silver, or gold, nor is it likely to in the near future,' Kirk said with mild amusement.   

Spock picked up on Kirk's cheerfulness, and his normally calm stare turned into a scowl.

 _Whoops_ , Kirk thought.

'Captain you're asking me to work with equipment which is barely ahead of  _stone knives_  and  _bearskins_!'

The sudden tension in the air was suffocating; Spock had never looked so uneasy, and Kirk got the impression that he was the source of some of this anger that had been apparent for days.  Whatever the source was, Kirk was determined to keep his First Officer levelheaded. Unfortunately for the both of them, Kirk's mind was far too preoccupied with the woman living upstairs to even consider a heart-to-heart talk with Spock.  

Kirk implored that McCoy was certain to appear soon, hence Spock's device had to function. Without it, it would be impossible to determine how to prevent McCoy's alteration to the timeline.

Spock exhaled with frustration, and stepped towards Kirk; explaining for what felt like the millionth time, that progress would be slow; it would take weeks to construct a basic mnemonic memory circuit (a key component in 23rd century computers for accessing data).  Even the knowledge of Kirk buying boloney vexed him immensely; as if Kirk purposely bought something they could not share and cook _together_.  

Before Kirk could reply to Spock's blatant pessimism, which he found totally unnecessary, there was a knock on the door. Spock quickly grabbed his beanie, as Kirk opened the door to reveal Ms. Keeler standing in the doorway.

Kirk immediately felt a sense of joy over Edith's arrival, but knew it the less she saw of Spock's quite frightening contraption the better, hence he quickly attempted to block her view of the bedroom. However, Edith was not one to be fooled.

'If you can leave immediately, I can get you five hours work at twenty two cents an hour-' Edith stopped speaking with a gasp, 'What on Earth is that?'

There was an awkward pause, as Kirk racked his brains in an attempt to think of a rational explanation. Spock abruptly intervened:

'I am endeavoring,  _ma'am_ , to construct a mnemonic memory circuit using stone knives and bearskins.'

Edith found that she could only reply with a look of wide-eyed puzzlement, she then beckoned for Kirk to follow her. Kirk turned around to glance at Spock, whose expression was impossible to read. Rather, Spock looked away from Kirk and watched the woman leave for a few silent moments.

 _If he wants to be like this, then... damn him!_ Kirk thought frustratingly, he was appalled that his friend could act so acidic to the woman Kirk not only liked, but had helped both of them considerably over the past few days.

With another confused glance towards Spock, who was now picking up his coat, Kirk followed Edith out the door, for once not bothering to check if Spock was immediately following him.

Spock's bitterness was starting to scare even himself; Ms. Keeler's entrance had worsened his demeanor significantly. He could barely look Kirk in the eye when he had looked at him, clearly disappointed.

Indeed, Spock was still adapting to human social interactions, but he had always understood the rules of politeness. He knew it was  _not_  the Vulcan way to act this way towards Ms. Keeler; jealousy in all its forms was an emotion that was _particularly_  frowned upon.  Even in human literature he had studied, it was considered ugly and destructive.

It was apparent that the uncertainly over his and Kirk's fate was only making it more difficult to settle his emotions. Less than a solar day ago Spock was starting to come to terms with his feelings, but all of that progress disappeared when he saw Kirk and Edith in close vicinity again. 

***

Spock knew the small, clock-making tools he witnessed the men at the missionary using were necessary for fixing the circuitry for his own work. He also knew that taking them without Ms. Keeler's permission was wrong, and would go against his never unfaltering ethics. When he looked back, he wasn't sure whether he stole them out of desperate need, or to purposely vex her.

Whatever his own initial motives were, Spock spoke with an air of logical superiority when Ms. Keeler confronted him the evening after. This self-righteousness seemed to expand when Kirk stood up for him, assuring Ms. Keeler that the tools would be returned.

But then Kirk did not look at Spock; his gaze was fixed on the beautiful eyes of the human woman that had been charmed into submission. Spock wasn't sure why he continued to watch their interaction.

 _Bath'paik...!_ Spock thought, suddenly wary of how intense his anger had become. 

Whatever self-righteousness Spock had moments earlier, it was now lost. Spock's normally perfectly straightened shoulders were slouched, and his stomach churned; his physical state apparently affected by his inner confusion. He broke out of his daze to catch the end of Ms. Keeler's sentence:

'...You know as well as I do how out of place you two are around here,'

'Interesting, where do you estimate we belong Ms. Keeler?' Spock could not help being curious; besides their unfamiliarity with early 20th century language, he was certain they could not seem overly incongruous. 

'You?' Edith turned towards Spock, the answer came to her very quickly, 'At his side, as if you've always been there and always will.'

Spock stole a glance at Kirk, expecting a humoured, friendly expression in reply. The disregard Spock got in return pained him more than he predicted.

The notion was confusing; he was physically here with Kirk, yet he  _was not_  with Kirk. The familiarity he had felt on their outing to the cinema last night- and throughout their  _entire_ relationship, was missing, leaving Spock displaced in a way that only Edith could really see.

'And you? You belong in another place,' Edith continued sweetly, her and Kirk were in their own little world again, 'I don't know where or how...I'll figure it out eventually.'

Kirk continued to gaze at Edith with a mild adoration.  For once, he was inattentive to his First Officer's state of mind or the fact that said First Officer was staring at him; he could only see Edith. Kirk barely heard Spock bluntly announce that he would finish work on the furnace.

It was not strange for Kirk to be so blinded by affection, but with Edith there was something more. He was falling in love with her, with an intensity he had not felt since his relationship with Ruth, about fifteen years ago.

As Edith turned to leave Kirk determinately followed, without looking back at the figure shoveling coal with increasing ferocity in an attempt to maintain their rationality, or rather, to expel the idea that even a Vulcan heart could break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bath'paik= Vulcan for "damn you" (I assume it is only used in very extreme circumstances!)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: Starring- Freelance Whales   
> The Enemy- Mumford & Sons (Wuthering Heights soundtrack) 
> 
> Sorry for the long periods of time between updates, I've been quite busy with work/Uni/other fandoms. But don't worry, I am DETERMINED to finish this story!

_‘You see the same things that I do. We speak the same language,’_ Kirk pondered over Edith’s words as he lay in bed later that evening.   Sleep eluded him, and he had no doubt over why.

Spock had discovered that Edith, the kind and lovely woman of his dreams, was the focal point in time McCoy had altered.  While Kirk was out with Edith, Spock had discovered two future newspaper articles one of death and one of a life of prosperity and success.

 _‘Whatever it is, let me help,’_ Kirk felt a surge of pain in his chest as he recalled how beautiful her words sounded to him, neither of them knowing that in order to help them, she may have to die. Kirk took Edith's comment to heart; though it did not prove that she loved him, to him it demonstrated that she had begun to care more deeply. Kirk couldn't explain why, but those three little words written in a novel he haphazardly picked up while on shore leave, had always captivated him.

As he tossed and turned in a hopeless attempt to get comfortable, his thoughts became more erratic and contradictory. He heard Spock stir in the bed less than a metre beside him; yet he had never felt so distant from him. Kirk didn’t want to hear his friend to tell him the logical alternative, that his relationship with Edith was undeniably impossible.

Edith may die, and he would be alone once again. Edith may live, and Kirk would return to the 23rd century still alone.  The rational part of his brain couldn’t find a way for them to be together, even if there was a way to rescue Edith from this prison of an era. Kirk knew this from the very beginning; it was immature and stupid of him to fall in love with her, and to continue seeking her company.

Even tonight, Kirk had gone to see Edith shortly after Spock gave the awful news. That is when she pointed out even more of their similarities, and Kirk saw more of her unhappiness with the world, and the current state of its people.  He saw her passion, her willingness to take action herself; that is when he kissed her for the first time.

Kirk didn’t allow himself to stay longer, though the intensity of the return kiss suggested that Edith did not want him to leave.  He broke away from the embrace, and stepped away from her using all the self-determination he could muster.

‘You look upset, Jim,’ Edith said quietly.

‘No… it’s just that I am afraid of taking things too fast,’ Kirk replied, the lie preventing him from making eye contact.

‘Hmm, I thought that something had happened between you and your friend,’ Edith said skeptically, ‘I can’t find the words, but you both seem like you’ve had a fight of some kind.’

Kirk felt a hint of frustration directed towards Spock; it was true that things had been _weird_ between them for the past week. However he didn't think it would be discernible enough for Edith to notice, she had barely interacted with Spock at all.

'Jim I can see that he's very protective of you,' Edith continued, as she fiddled with Kirk's shirt collar, 'Maybe he's worried about you.'

Kirk gave a small groan in reply, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with her. He didn't want to talk about Spock at that moment- he leant in and kissed her again, savouring the tranquility and joy that he knew was finite.

***

Spock silently listened to Kirk toss and turn in his sleep, as he too attempted to fully comprehend tonight's terrible discovery.

He had been pleased that his device had finally begun to work, and it was a nice relief from the ache of Kirk's dismissive behaviour towards him. After finishing _their_ shift, Spock's legs seemed to find their way home on their own, as any conscious thought seemed to be illogically fixated on Kirk putting his arm around Ms. Keeler as they left the boiler room.

It made sense, yet still shocked him that _she_ was the focal point in time they had been searching for; the odds of her discovering Kirk and himself were certainly incredible, however their meeting may have been a necessary moment in time to restore the proper history.  

It had deeply hurt Spock to give Kirk such news, and it was also distressing to know that Kirk's time with Ms. Keeler was drawing to a close (despite Spock's growing disinclination towards her). Before Kirk abruptly walked in, a part of Spock even considered not telling him. Hence, if it were necessary for Ms. Keeler to die, he would ensure Kirk wasn't involved. Spock cared about Kirk enough to let him have a few more carefree days with the woman he evidently loved. But if he were to maintain his Vulcan dignity, Spock could not lie. It would not be logical for him to hide vital information from the Captain, and subsequently not allow Kirk to assist in restoring the timeline. 

However, Spock was careful when he delivered the news, knowing that he was about to thwart Kirk's happiness, even if it was based on a determination to remain ignorant.

Spock knew that if Kirk looked at the situation logically, it would be far easier for the both of them. He did not know how else he could convince Kirk to see her less without seeming intrusive or uncaring. Thus, Spock could not help being a little irritated at humankind in general when Kirk left the apartment to see her. The human half of him wished McCoy were here; he would be a far better candidate for telling Kirk such news, and giving him the emotional support Spock didn’t know how to convey. There was also the ghastly part of him that _wanted_ to see Kirk and Ms. Keeler separate. However, Spock could not wish for her to die, he was thankful that his jealously had not gone to those depths.

 _'I must know whether she lives or dies, Spock. I must know_ what to do, _'_ Kirk's forlorn words uttered just before they retired for the evening were filled with anxiety, and a need of comfort from Spock. Yet, Spock was certain he could detect a hint of anger from Kirk, as if Spock was trying to destroy their relationship, the one potentially condemning Edith Keeler to death.

Why did he feel as though he was the enemy in all of this?

***

Though Spock had estimated he would need another two days before his circuitry would be stable enough to tolerate further examination of the alternate histories, he actually managed to fix everything within a day.

However those twenty-four hours passed slowly, especially for Kirk who was beside himself with nervousness. Not knowing Edith's fate was driving him insane, yet a part of him did not want to know.

For once Kirk and Spock found that they couldn't work together; Kirk's anxiety translated to pestering his First Officer, putting on pressure that Spock could no longer handle. Spock couldn't find the solution Kirk wanted: an impossible scenario where somehow he and Edith could live happily together, and though it wasn't conscious, Kirk blamed Spock for this. Spock moreover just couldn't stand watching Kirk fall to pieces, helpless to protect him.

Thus, after eating breakfast in silence, Spock worked in the missionary’s kitchen while Kirk labored in the vegetable garden outside. If Spock wasn't so distracted, he may have heard and recognized Leonard McCoy's voice as he stumbled into the missionary, asking for coffee before Edith ushered him upstairs to the nearest bed.  

A minute later, Kirk came in for a break, and approached Spock who was still serving coffee (he needed it, after his particularly aggressive plight to remove every single weed from the garden). 

Spock felt his heart skip a beat as Kirk walked towards him, the usual delight he felt towards his _t'hy'la_ didn't seem to be effected by their conflict.

'Your work in the garden has been efficient, I hope?' Spock inquired pleasantly.

'You should leave, work on your computer, okay?' Kirk said dismissively, to Spock it was like a slap in the face, as if the computer he had _phenomenally_ constructed was not impressive enough to Kirk.

 _Of course,_ Captain, _while you remain free to fraternize with that woman._

Suddenly, the cup of coffee Spock was giving to Kirk smashed to pieces, not able to handle the grip of a scorned Vulcan. 

'Spock! _What the hell_?'

Kirk jumped away, shooting an angry look at Spock before striding away, avoiding eye contact with the dozen other people in the room, who all looked either mortified or confused. 

Spock stared at Kirk as he left, ignoring the coffee dripping all over his arm and onto the floor.

It was a miracle that he only bled a small amount; hence he was able to quickly wipe away any trace of green blood. He felt ashamed of himself; things were already bad enough between them, and his jealousy seemed intent on worsening the situation.

***

However, Spock did heed Kirk's words, and rather solemnly returned to their apartment hours later to find the answer.

Though he was very preoccupied, Spock worked with his usual Vulcan efficiency, fixing circuits and replacing valves with quiet determination.  As the afternoon passed, concurrent images of newspapers started to appear on his tricorder; they showed Edith Keeler meeting with the president, the formation of a resilient pacifist society, the United States significantly delaying their entry into World War II, the Axis powers developing the Atomic Bomb, then Hitler ordering its use. Video images then showed the Allied forces incredibly weakened without the full US support, destroyed Australian cities showed that they was powerless against Japanese forces, interviews with the dozens of Jewish humans that survived the "Final Solution," the dissolution of the United Nations... Spock did not need to continue, he understood completely.

Logic dictated that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, thus ensuring Edith Keeler's death was, without a doubt, the only way to follow this axiom.  Unfortunately it also meant hurting the person Spock cared about the most.

' _Jim_ ,' Spock murmured the name without realizing it.

So with a heavy heart, Spock mentally prepared himself for Kirk's arrival.

***

_'How did she die...what day?'_

_‘We can estimate general happenings from these images, but I cannot trace down precise actions at exact moments....Captain... I'm sorry,'_

_'Spock. I believe...I am in love with Edith Keeler,'_

_'Jim, Edith Keeler...Must die,'_

***

Moments after the truth was revealed, Kirk found himself sitting on the bed, his head downcast and supported by both arms. Hands grasped his temples as he struggled to comprehend the situation.     

Kirk’s eyes filled up with tears over the tragic irony, that her death, and the death of all her ideologies, would be necessary in order to save the world. He was sick of his life, his inability to find true happiness that would last longer than a couple of weeks or months. All of sudden he couldn't care less about Starfleet not existing, Spock being an outcast in this society, the Axis forces winning World War II; duty was taking away the woman he loved, and he hated the world for it.

 _Logic too_ was taking her away, and on some irrational level he did feel anger towards Spock for it.

He also wanted Spock there; he suddenly yearned for his shoulder to lean on.

But Spock was not really there anymore, for some reason Edith's presence was pushing him out of Kirk's life. So in this state of confusion and fear, Kirk reacted in a way he could regret for decades.  

The Vulcan meanwhile had remained still, silently watching Kirk's reaction. It took him a few seconds to realize that Kirk was shouting at him.  

'Why did _you_ let this happen? If you had your shit fixed in time _I never would have loved her_!' Kirk's voice faltered, 'Light in my life...gone.'

Spock was wide-eyed with apprehension; certain Kirk was going to continue his fit of rage while Spock sat helplessly. Kirk's proclamation of love had been expected, but it still stung as much as the cuts on his hand from the coffee cup.

Instead Kirk slowly lay down on the bed, his curved back facing Spock.  

'But it's meant to be,' Kirk's voice cracked with tears.

***

Spock left the apartment to take a long walk through the streets of New York, to clear his mind, and to leave Kirk in peace.  It was a beautiful clear night, and the air seemed more fresh and clean. There were many more people outside, frequenting restaurants, theatres, and the local ice-skating rinks.

Spock would not miss this city, or rather the 1930 version, but that did not stop him from appreciating its uniqueness and wonder. He could also not deny that being here- in the absence of 23rd century technology and duties, allowed him to realize his true feelings for Kirk.

He knew it was better for him to discover these feelings, than for them in remain suppressed. Thus, now he could work on controlling them and to gradually think of Kirk only as his Captain.  

Upon his return to the apartment, Spock noticed Kirk had fallen asleep atop the covers of the bed. Though his face was now peaceful and without signs of rage, the rolled up sleeves of his red shirt revealed arms covered in goosebumps. Rather than disturbing him, Spock covered Kirk with a blanket, fretfully wishing that there was more that he could do.  


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack:   
> Hurricane Drunk- Florence & the Machine  
> When Yesterday's Gone- Hungry kids of Hungary   
> Little Talks- Of Monsters and Men

Kirk awoke the next morning with an odd sense of pleasantness; as if he was still in his dream, which featured a sunny Sunday morning, the woman smiling, breakfast in bed...

However, reality dawned on him moments later. The woman he dreamt about was going to die, and he and Spock had to ensure it.   
Spock was already prepared for their mid-morning shift at the missionary; Kirk turned over in bed and watched him as he fiddled with the tricorder. Although the Vulcan wasn't going to make it obvious, Kirk knew that he upset Spock by yelling at him last night.  But he could not deal with that now; his grief for Edith, and his continued frustration with Spock overcame any feeling of guilt.

Other than a "Good morning" neither Spock nor Kirk spoke many more words to each other. Spock left for work before Kirk, unwilling to wait for him to get ready or to give Kirk another reason to raise his voice at him for hovering around the apartment.

Throughout the day, the tension and the anticipation felt by the both of them was suffocating. Seeing Edith at the missionary was especially disturbing- in a strange way, they both felt as though they were planning her murder.  

Spock's mind was logical; he knew he had to view Ms. Keeler's death without emotion in order to restore the timeline in the most efficient manner possible. Yet whenever he stole a glance at Kirk, he couldn't help feeling a surge of sadness at the sight of his Captain's fretfulness. This was only made worse by Kirk continuing to seek Ms. Keeler's company.

While the two lovers ate lunch together, Spock watched from the other side of the cafeteria, feeling a strange combination of jealousy and despair. Kirk was tragically prolonging the inevitable, and Spock felt as though he as being forced to witness it.

Thus, Spock knew he had to be assertive, and the illuminate the irrationality of his behaviour towards Ms. Keeler. Spock was resolved to keep Kirk's mind focused, it was the only way to lessen his human friend's grief.

***

In the evening, Spock cleaned the dishes while he listened for Kirk and Ms. Keeler's footsteps in the hallway outside. The two had arranged to meet again that evening, much to Spock's distress. However, Kirk was evidently anxious to see her.

Every part of the kitchen was now organised and perfectly clean; Spock seated himself as the dining table to finish his vegetable "stir-fry"  (or rather, a dish that resembled the classic Asian dish only in appearance, unfortunately even soy sauce was impossible to locate).

Cooking without Kirk that night seemed to emphasize the fact that he missed his friend. Though they had been there for just over a week, it felt as though the first evening they made stew and scrambled eggs together occurred years ago.  

The apartment seemed more quiet than usual, even the sounds of the city outside seemed to be dulled down. Spock couldn't sit still any longer waiting for the couple to return; if he were human he guessed he would be determined to find alcohol; (Dr. McCoy always found solace in a glass of Saurian brandy after a particularly stressful day on the Enterprise).    
Spock groaned, with all these emotions "running wild" he indeed already felt like he had consumed several glasses. He figured a walk would do him good; attempting to meditate at the apartment was useless as he now was constantly reminded of Kirk.

Spock fitted his navy blue beanie as he opened to front door, only to walk back inside almost straightaway. Kirk had just caught and was now holding Ms. Keeler, who had tripped on the staircase leading to her apartment.

'...I could have broken my neck!' Spock overheard the end of her shocked outcry, and then continued to watch as Kirk leaned in to kiss her.

Why Spock put himself through that he would never know, nevertheless, the surge of emotion forced him to retreat back inside the apartment.   
A now familiar sense of panic rose up inside Spock, as he leaned against the other side of the door. His hands cupped around his face as he struggled to compose himself.  Seeing Kirk embrace her felt like a slap from reality, and still Spock couldn't convince himself to cease his irrational affection for Kirk.

Moreover, Ms. Keeler was correct, Kirk had just stopped her from fatally injuring herself, and though Spock would not be _relieved_ by her death, he could not help but be frustrated by Kirk's actions.  The initial panic began to fade, and replaced by a burning rage, which only increased the amount of tears welling up in his eyes.

He heard Kirk's footsteps coming towards their apartment; it was time to face him and discuss what Spock had decided on earlier that day.  With his hand on the doorknob, he took a few deep breaths, and came back outside again.

'Captain,' Spock said carefully, aware of the difficulty of being in close proximity with the man walking toward him,  'I did not plan to eavesdrop.'

Kirk, still feeling irritated towards his First Officer, merely frowned in Spock's direction.

'No, of course you didn't,' he replied coldly, continuing to walk away from Spock. He needed to get out, find a jazz club, or better yet, a so-called "speak-easy".

But Spock was determined to pester Kirk; he began to point out that Edith's fall could have easily resulted in her death.

 _Of course I caught her!_ Kirk thought bitterly, _just like_ you _always save my ass!_  

Kirk was annoyed by the truth of Spock's statement, and the way his chocolate brown eyes stared at him with concern. But he swallowed any further sarcastic response.

'It is not yet time, McCoy isn't here,' he said quietly, with a brief glance at Spock, who evidently had something important to say. Kirk couldn't help noticing how naive he sounded.

'We're not that sure of our facts, who's to say when the exact time will come?' Spock made sure he spoke calmly, sensing Kirk's fickle emotional state, 'Save her, do as your heart tells you to do, and millions will die who did not die before.'  

_No, damn it! No...._

Even as Spock talked, Kirk continued to look determinately away from him; he did not want to see or hear the logic, the vile, murderous logic.  So, with one last glance towards Spock, whose eyes remained compassionate despite the acerbic response to his watchfulness, Kirk walked on outside, and into the night.

But this time, Spock was only a couple of steps behind him. 

'I will walk with you, a-' Spock halted before he exclaimed _ashaya_ , 'Captain.'

Kirk turned around, and they made real eye contact for what felt like the first time in days. A hint of a smile managed to reach Kirk's eyes, as he saw Spock almost-jog towards him.

Contentment and gratitude managed to break through the grief for Edith because even though Kirk had practically pushed Spock away in every way possible, the poor Vulcan was still willing to be there for him. Unlike most of the other crewmembers, Kirk never doubted Spock's ability to care, to make friends, yet now Kirk was starting to sense that Spock- his half- _Vulcan_ science officer, could also _love_ as strongly as any human.

***

Kirk could almost sense that the time had come as he crossed the road; excitedly yelling Spock's name after Edith casually informed him about a certain Doctor at the missionary. Finally, Bones had joined them in 1930s New York.

The sight of Bones coming through the Missionary's front door filled Kirk with joy; he hugged his best friend as if he hadn't seen him for years, and even managed to beam at Spock, (who quite affectionately placed a hand on McCoy's shoulder).

Though Kirk implored her to stay across the street, with full intention of going to see the "Clark Gable" movie, Edith could not stay put at the sight of such a joyful reunion.

 _How do all these strange men know one another?_ She thought, perplexed. She smiled at the happiness even present on Mr. Spock's face.

To Kirk it all happened so fast, the automobile coming out nowhere, McCoy jumped to push her out of the way, Kirk leaping to push the Doctor back.

He believed he heard McCoy crying out, demanding why Kirk stopped him; he wasn't sure, everything felt foggy.

_I know...yes, I knew why._

Spock witnessed the entire thing; Edith's head hit the ground with terrible force, it was very likely that she was dead straightaway.

He was relieved that Kirk was not watching, the pool of blood on the street was about a metre wide, and her face was dirtied and bloodied beyond recognition. Spock felt his heart ache as he turned his attention to her now former lover, who had turned against his very nature and selflessly did his duty. 

It was now certain Edith Keeler was dead, as the three men of the 23rd century suddenly felt a strange pull on their bodies; the Guardian of time was transporting them back home.

It felt like they were spinning and being pushed in all directions, they saw the outline of the Guardian and instinct told them to leap through it.  Kirk and Spock appeared first, landing hard on their feet, facing Uhura and the other crewmembers straightaway.

McCoy appeared a moment later; still feeling confused and frustrated about what just occurred, it was clear to Spock that they owed him a lengthy and truthful explanation.

By the look on their faces, it was also clear to Spock that both Uhura and Scotty sensed something was wrong, they knew Kirk well enough to see the almost physical pain within him. Spock also noticed Kirk's lack of emotion as they informed them that the Enterprise was back in orbit above them.

That is when he vowed to himself to never allow Kirk to go through this again.

Kirk's passionate nature, though a beautiful quality, was incredibly strong; Spock suddenly feared that they may deem him unfit for command if he was distracted by infatuations. If they ever took that away from Kirk, Spock knew it would break him far more than the loss of a female lover.

So when they prepared to beam up, and thus, officially end their journey in New York, Spock stepped forwards to be by Kirk’s side once again. Despite the circumstances, Spock finally felt like he was no longer "out of place."

***

The atmosphere on the Enterprise was still hectic, as the time rifts caused by the Guardian continued to shake the starship. The continued turbulence was making it difficult to finish engine repairs. 

For Spock, Kirk, and McCoy it was like waking up from a dream; only minutes earlier they were in downtown New York. The lights of the ship were almost straining on the eyes compared to the lamps of the 30s, and the artificial air felt strange in their lungs. Though it had only been less than a fortnight, the influx of technology around Kirk and Spock was almost alarming.

Kirk was already back in the Captain's chair, though still feeling slightly dazed, he knew now was not the time to rest. He noticed that Spock continued to glance at him from his console, despite the fact that the warp drive was still offline and there were power drains occurring shipwide.

' _I'm fine'_ he muttered when they made eye contact, however Spock was clearly not convinced. It was a straight-out lie, but Kirk was determined to settle the current crisis.

The yellow alert alarm was ringing, and Kirk could only hear the screech of tyres again. Edith screamed. Holding onto Bones for dear life.

_No, NO!_

He swallowed the surge of emotions; the crew needed James Kirk, and he was _not_ going to let the grief consume him. Edith died in order to save her world's future- and Kirk's future; he could not let such a sacrifice be in vain.

He was going to get through this.

***

When the nightmares began, Spock was immediately there after every one, making both of them thankful that their quarters were adjacent to one another's. Whether other crewmembers heard Kirk yell and cry out, neither of them knew, but Kirk was certain that he did not want anyone there to bring him peace.

Spock entered the Captain's quarters on one of such evenings, his ears burning at the sound of Kirk's anguish.

'The car! The Car!' he was exclaiming, as Spock gently shook him awake; it hurt Spock incredibly to see Kirk in such a state.

As he sat up straight in bed, Kirk's hazel eyes were wide with terror, and only softened at the sight of his Vulcan friend sitting on the edge of his bed.

'Spock, we let her die... _I was responsible_ ,' he whispered before his voice cracked with tears.

'Listen to me, Captain.  We did not perform murder. We saved the lives of millions,' Spock spoke gently, 'you are safe, here on the Enterprise. We're home now, Jim.'

'I'm not even sure.... if I loved her Spock, maybe we left just in time, I was only _falling_ ,' Kirk muttered incoherently, evidently still partly in REM sleep.

'I'm afraid you're not making much sense to me, Sir,' Spock replied seriously, though the content of Kirk's mumbling seemed to elate him.     

Kirk lay down again, a small smile on his very weary face.  His hand rested beside Spock's as he closed his eyes; Spock felt himself tense up at the brief physical contact.

'Spock. I'm sorry I ever showed doubt in you, I love you, you know?'

Spock understood it was supposed to be a platonic statement, but that did not stop his heart from soaring in delight. He was very thankful that Kirk was not awake to see his blushing cheeks. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm horrible! Chapter 8 ended up being longer than expected, so I've divided it into a ninth chapter plus an epilogue. I really just want to finish my fic, but work and exams have to come first unfortunately. 
> 
> Soundtrack (8 & 9):   
> Hopeless Wanderer- Mumford & Sons.   
> Give me Love- Ed Sheeran.

'Christ, you'd think I wasn't one of the most highest ranking officers 'round here!' 

It took almost a week for Leonard McCoy to get a proper explanation of the events of their last evening in New York.

A woman _died_ , and Kirk and Spock seemed to intent of keeping him out of the loop (though he neglected to realize that the ship was still in a state of crisis). Nevertheless, soon after their first dinner back on the Enterprise, Spock approached the aggravated Doctor in his sickbay office. 

'It has been an extremely hectic time for the bridge crew, Doctor,' Spock said calmly, 'So much so that apparently the Captain has not had time to talk to you, if I'm not mistaken?'

'Yes, god dammit, Spock!' McCoy launched into his rant straightaway, 'Jim _literally_ allowed me to let Edith die, and you think I'm just gonna sit around here and wait patiently!

I'm a doctor, and Edith's death is on _my_ hands, as well as yours and Jim's.  Hell, was she a criminal mastermind, brewing moonshine in the Missionary's basement?'

Spock continued to sit straight in his chair, arms crossed loosely, and a hint of uncertainty on his face; to McCoy it seemed as though the story was an especially emotional one to tell. He resolved to be a little less adamant in his approach, (though _not_ getting frustrated with the Vulcan would be quite a challenge).

'Look Spock, from what I could tell, Jim really cared about that girl. And I’ll be damned if the sparkle in her eyes didn't show that she returned his affection...' McCoy watched Spock carefully as he finished speaking; he swore Spock winced slightly at the mere mention of their romantic relationship.

'Indeed, their relationship was starting to become...well, significantly demonstrative of that,' Spock replied, with an awkwardness that almost made McCoy laugh.

'Doctor, I assure you I did not follow them around; I only witnessed them together a few times. They played chess on one of those occasions...'

Spock's voice trailed off into a mutter as he finished his sentence.

'Okay good, we've established that,' McCoy said, his lips twitched into a small smile, though the fact that Spock mentioned a chess game of all things greatly perplexed him.

Spock took a deep breath and began to tell McCoy the story, but he only stuck to the facts. Right now Spock could not effectively describe Kirk's romantic experience, their fights, and the still-healing cuts from the broken coffee cup....

'Kirk continued to see her even after you found out? Geez...' McCoy interrupted, and he stood up to pour himself a drink.

'Yes. I made the effort, but he did not heed my warnings,' Spock answered, a hint of anger managing to leak into his words, 'Jim continued to be involved even when he fully knew we would not be remaining in the 20th century.'

Spock's sentence ended with a slightly shrill tone, so he stopped his explanation immediately. He looked down at his hands in his lap, aware that McCoy was watching him intently.

'Her demise has ailed Captain Kirk, more than I can succinctly explain. But I assure you, he is still well enough for command,' Spock spoke again gently, as McCoy remained silent.

McCoy nodded in agreement, though Kirk seemed depressed, he _was_ still handling command extremely well. Spock, however, still appeared to be deeply worried about their friend's state of mind.

Indeed, Spock sensed his emotional state was becoming increasingly obvious; recalling the worse aspects of their time in New York shook him to his core.  Without meeting McCoy's eye, Spock excused himself from the sickbay office.  

When the door automatically slid shut behind Spock, McCoy felt a strange combination of relief, sympathy and amusement.

Spock's dislike of Edith and Kirk's relationship had begun before they were even aware of her significance to the timeline! Of course, he had sensed the growing... _weirdness_ of Kirk and Spock's interactions, but never expected Spock to show any indication of jealousy.   McCoy's sympathy for Spock grew as he imagined the pain of watching Kirk fall in love with someone else, and then to almost lose his friendship with Kirk also.

Then again, he recalled how Kirk too, had practically thrown a tantrum when Spock (though under the influence of euphoria-inducing spores) had the brief "fling" with Leila.  McCoy chuckled to himself; Kirk certainly believed he could hide the reasons for such erratic behaviour. It also didn't help that Kirk's flirtation attempts with Spock were about as subtle as an attack from a Romulan battlecruiser.

McCoy was certainly starting to believe that his _suspicions_ were very much correct.

***

Within a few days, the Enterprise was on her way to her next assignment. They were heading to a dwarf planet in the outer rim of the Altair system, where it was apparently necessary to test its Class M status.

It was a purely scientific mission; hence Kirk's required involvement was minimal once they arrived weeks later. Finally, it gave him a chance to relax, (and catch up on log entries and "paperwork").

Assured they were in orbit, Kirk withdrew to his quarters, convincing himself that a lie-down was more important than a jargon filled report to Starfleet headquarters about the trip to the Altair system.  

Though the nightmares were growing more infrequent, Kirk still felt hesitant as he closed his eyes. The memory of Edith's death still felt raw and fresh, though thoughts of _Edith_ , and all she was, were beginning to fade. His dreams of her were becoming more vague, as if now she was truly someone of his past. He dreamt this way of all his past lovers.

Edith had become a beautiful memory, one of affection and esteem. If she were still alive- if they somehow stayed together, Kirk sensed that he probably would have married her.

In a way, it was lucky they left her that evening, before he was completely in love with her.

The intercom whistled, stirring Kirk from his light sleep.

'Kirk here,' he managed to grunt, as he moved to sit in his desk chair.

'Captain, the landing party is ready to beam down,' it was Spock, with a hint of hesitation.

'Sure Spock, err you go ahead,' Kirk replied uncertainly.

'Are you sure you do not wish to join us?' The Intercom didn't exactly have the best speakers, but Kirk could swear Spock sounded slightly crestfallen.

He laughed, 'No, go ahead Mr. Spock, I'll probably break the mineral analyzer again... if you remember that time on Tau Ceti III.'

'Very well, Captain,'

 _That was...interesting._ Kirk thought, as he concurrently recalled Spock showing similar behaviour when he offered to teach Kirk his stew recipe, weeks ago in New York. 

Kirk truly couldn't have gotten through the past few weeks without Spock; the "emotionless" Vulcan ironically offered Kirk the emotional support he needed. He began to notice that Spock's willingness to protect him was very _extreme_ , possibly too extreme for a platonic relationship. Spock also didn't act this way towards anyone else, so it couldn't be an example of loyalty to the _Enterprise_. Kirk also realized Spock's demeanor became increasingly hostile as his relationship with Edith became more serious. His almost tantrum-like complaints; breaking a coffee cup with his bare hand; and now a _devotion_ to Kirk that was definitely exceeding the requirements of a First Officer.

For Spock to reveal any emotion it must be very strong, as strong as- dare he think it, romantic love. Kirk recalled Spock's outcry, close to a year ago:

 _'Jim, when I feel_ friendship _for you, I'm ashamed,'_

Perhaps at the time, Spock had gotten his vocabulary confused (Kirk was fairly sure it wasn't even an adjective...).   There was no way a half-Vulcan, brought up on logic and technicalities could possibly understand what developing romantic affection or attraction felt like.

As for Kirk's own feelings, they were unclear. Before Edith, he had felt strangely attracted to Spock, and was frankly _awed_ by his First Officer. Yet, Edith's memory acted like a fog, preventing him from seeing Spock in this new light.

Kirk tried to imagine if Spock was taken away from him. He envisaged Spock kissing a faceless Vulcan woman, his long fingers grasping onto her shoulders and moving downwards. Her arms were around his head, fingers feeling through short black hair-

Well, just the thought saddened Kirk greatly, (but then also turned him on slightly).   Kirk grabbed the edges of his desk in frustration, and spontaneously stood up to pace around his quarters.

The whistle of the intercom alerted Kirk from his frantic, intense thoughts. As if the ship's CMO was psychic, it was McCoy, asking whether Kirk was in need of one of his "medicinal" cocktails.

***

The sickbay was oddly quiet; a very good sign considering many crewmembers were on the surface of a relatively unknown planet. McCoy was relieved that they may actually get a chance for some shore leave, if the planet down below was deemed Class M.

After being invited into the sickbay office, the Captain of the Enterprise had a weirdly uncertain expression as he sat across from the Doctor. He looked like a man who was struggling to realize he had woken up from a dream.

On the upside, Kirk didn't look as sleep deprived as he did a month earlier- at his first medical examination after New York, where McCoy first realized that Kirk was apparently in love in with the woman they allowed to die.   At that point, he didn't want to push his friend for information, now at least his grief had lessened.    

'Jim, I'm sorry,' McCoy began, as Kirk leaned back in his chair, he wasn't sure what he apologized for; maybe it was a number of different things.

'Bones, no. I'm the one who kept himself distant, I just couldn't bring myself to talk about her,' Kirk replied with a sheepish smile.

McCoy acknowledged Kirk's statement by pouring them both a glass of Romulan ale he managed to heckle from a Starfleet administrator at the last starbase.

'She was a real beauty, and from what I tell, one of the most genuine people I'd ever met,' McCoy said, 'Though to tell the truth I wish you didn't put yourself through that.'

A hint of anger flashed in Kirk's eyes as he looked up at McCoy, however, it was anger directed towards himself. Yes, if he weren’t so rash, so run-away with passion, the events would've been less painful. But how could he regret meeting Edith, and seeing such hope in such a dismal time in history?

'For now Bones, I want to remember her as that beautiful memory. A part of me may always love her, '

'And think about it Jim, without her, we probably wouldn't be alive to have this conversation. It's strange, how one person altered the timeline.'

'Well, imagine Khan, Hitler, Franklin, Edison; single people do have that capacity. But Edith.... she could’ve achieved so much, just imagine if her ideals become popular at that point in the 20th century!'

'Vietnam, Iraq, the Eugenics’ wars... all potentially avoided. But, as our dear half-Vulcan pointed out, her enthusiasm for peace didn't manage to convince Germany or the rest of the Axis forces.'

Kirk nodded in agreement, and his faced relaxed over the thought of Spock's never-failing logic that saved in a way, saved civilization, as they knew it.   

McCoy realized now was his chance to begin his second order of business; he knew he needed to be careful to stop Kirk from being too temperamental or immature.

'Why would Spock mention that he saw you and her both playing _chess_?' McCoy asked innocently, although he was sure he had figured out the answer.

Kirk instantly looked straight at McCoy, as if he had accused him of committing a crime. 

'What? How did he even...see that?' Kirk replied, now deep in thought, 'Shit, he must have come upstairs to look for me-'

He immediately stopped speaking as he recalled how _upset_ Spock seemed on the days after that.

'Boy Jim, it must have really affected him for him to mention it like he did,’ McCoy said, 'As if you cheated on him in some very... well, alternative way.'  

'What are you saying?' Kirk's tone was serious, yet to McCoy seemed _frustratingly_ naive.    

'Dammit Jim, I'm saying that seeing you two play chess was some weird hobgoblin-jealousy-equivalent to seeing you in bed with the woman!' McCoy exclaimed, before proceeding to finish his drink in one gulp.

McCoy exhaled: 'For Spock it was probably the ultimate form of rejection. Jim, even _referring_ to you and Edith as a couple seemed to disturb him. And hell, you can't deny he cares about you, it borders on _devotion_ -'

Kirk waved his hand towards the doctor, motioning him to stop speaking. He did not need to hear anymore of McCoy's candid statements; he had no doubt now: Spock had feelings for him.

'It explains so much, Bones. Why didn't I see it before?' Kirk muttered.

'Well, he is pretty good at hiding his feelings, you just gotta be alert when they seep out occasionally.' McCoy replied gently.

He stared away from McCoy's smug expression, feeling incredibly annoyed with himself for being so ignorant of Spock's suffering.

Spock showed him loyalty and patience throughout their time in New York, and now, in the weeks afterwards. Kirk felt as though he paid Spock back by being irritable, and by _tormenting_ him with his feelings for Edith; thus no wonder Spock seemed so agitated, so distraught, on many occasions.  Spock took them playing chess straight to heart; hence, that afternoon Kirk had been the one to hurt him, his dear friend.

Not only that, Kirk hung his head in shame as he remembered yelling at Spock, dumping all his misery and grief onto the already despairing Vulcan. Kirk's remorse grew stronger as he remembered how strong his anger towards Spock was, how he was so blindly focused on a happy life with Edith that wasn't even possible.

He did care about Spock deeply, and for some reason it meant it was easier to let out all his emotions on him. Spock was so loyal and trusting that he remained by Kirk's side, and watched Kirk love someone else. It downright wasn't _fair_ ; Spock deserved so much more respect than that.

Yet, amongst all his frustration, Kirk's heart raced excitedly at the mere thought of being loved so faithfully and passionately. After his personal contemplation in his quarters earlier, Kirk could not deny his attraction to his First Officer. But, with the memory of losing Edith still so potent, he was not sure whether _he_ was ready to leap again. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Found chapters 9 and 10 quite difficult to write (Hence why it took me ~2 months to perfect!)

Despite Kirk's personal schism, he still joined Spock's table later for dinner in the cafeteria. It was close to 9 in the evening, and the majority of tables were empty; those eating were already up to dessert.

Spock often ate alone in his quarters or in the labs, generally to finish the day's work. So it consistently surprised, and pleased, Kirk to see him socializing with the other crewmembers. Tonight specifically, it was the members of the Altair science team.

'Good evening Captain,' Spock said pleasantly after sipping from his herbal tea, 'This is considerably late compared to your usual dinner time.'

'I err, fell asleep,' Kirk said, with a smile to acknowledge the other crew members at the table. (He neglected to mention that he was also busy finishing four glasses of ale in his quarters).

Spock also noticed a distant sway in Kirk's movements as he laid down his plate of pasta; to Spock it was evident that the Captain had been drinking. He deduced that he must be upset or worried about something, since Kirk did not appear to be in a celebratory mood.

Since his discussion with Doctor McCoy, Spock was aware that the emotions associated with his affection for Kirk had only become stronger (despite hours of meditation dedicated to lowering their intensity and convincing himself that Kirk did not return his feelings).  Spock found that being on the bridge was becoming increasingly difficult, because for some illogical reason, his heart rate would dramatically increase at the mere sight of Kirk giving orders from the Captain's chair.

Spock, who valued his personal space, and shied away from any casual contact, was overcome with desire to grab Kirk, to physically protect his warm golden flesh, to explore every part of his anatomy....

With a sense of dread, Spock wondered if his _time_ was approaching. His own knowledge of physical desire was extremely immature, but the debilitating _yearning_ and contradicting _elation_ he felt by Kirk's presence seemed eerily similar to descriptions Vulcans were informed of during adolescence, (a _most awkward_ time in their schooling). Nevertheless, Spock knew that he desired a physical relationship with Kirk; Spock did not need a doctor to evaluate the "symptoms".

For someone who had difficulty even mentioning the _word_ sex, it was going to be challenging, yet Spock was resolved that it was time to explain his behaviour in New York. He had been contemplating such a heart-to-heart for weeks, yet only now believed that enough time had passed for both of them to talk about the events more easily. Spock's emotional _and_ physical attachment was too strong, meaning he may have to consider transferring to another starship.

As a Vulcan, he felt disgraceful for wanting to reveal his emotional state, but he wanted Kirk, his friend, to know the truth. Also, a Captain had a right to know why his First Officer was considering abandoning his post. Spock remembered his mother telling him as a child that it was better to, as the humans say, "get things off your chest," and for the first time in his life he intended to follow this advice.

Kirk ate slowly as he listened to Spock and the other scientists enthusiastically discuss the animal life they discovered on the dwarf planet. He noticed Spock stealing glances at him every so often; unconsciously, eye contact became more and more frequent as the others finished eating. Kirk knew Spock well enough to tell when he had something important to say.

Spock suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable when the last two crewmembers left; the cafeteria immediately seemed eerily quiet. 

'Captain, are you... alright?' Spock said hesitantly, as he noticed Kirk absentmindedly stirring his water with a spoon.

'Quite fine Spock, I was just thinking about..." _stone-knives and bearskins_ ,"' Kirk smiled to himself at the random memory that beamed out of nowhere; Spock's irritation at that time was nothing to be laughed at, but Kirk was beginning to find these moments endearing.

Since Kirk had brought up New York, to Spock it seemed to be the rational time to bring up his own thoughts.

'Capt-Jim, I want to apologize for my apparent disregard towards Ms. Keeler,'

Kirk looked up from his glass of water and looked at Spock seriously, who seemed troubled at the mention of the woman.

'It wasn't personal, I know you regretted that she had to die,' Kirk replied encouragingly, then after a brief pause, 'Spock, can you tell me _why_?'

The intensity of Kirk's expression seemed to speak directly to Spock's longing human half, which urged Spock to continue.

'My jealously was reprehensible, and I felt threatened by her presence in your life. I care for you, and you are the only one who seems to accept me as I am. I only came to realize this once it was too late....

'I will always wish to be by your side, as First Officer and as your friend. Now, after everything that has transpired recently, I wish... I _desire_ to be more.

In my own culture, Jim, I desire you as a bondmate.'

Spock felt even more annoyed at himself for not being able to explain with fewer words. (Moreover, after the last part, he had an intense desire to run away and beam himself outside into outer space.) Kirk continued to stare at him, though his expression had softened.

'I hope you understand what I mean,' Spock said, barely above a whisper. His face was completely flushed, as Kirk's became increasingly enchanted with every word. Tears filled Kirk's eyes as he realized that Spock was speaking from his heart.

Memories filled Kirk with a surge of affection; Spock chasing after him the night before Edith died, steady beautiful hands making him dinner, waking up with a blanket draped over him by caring arms. Suddenly, he saw _everything,_ everything without his blinding affection for Edith.

It must have been the alcohol, because Kirk had absolutely no clue as to what induced his next actions.

Kirk looked deep into Spock's dark brown eyes- now full of uncertainty, and leant across the table to kiss him fully on the lips. Spock was clearly astounded, as he neither drew away from the embrace nor leaned into Kirk.

Kirk's hand gently cupped the side of Spock's face, his fingers relishing in the feeling of the smooth, green-tinged cheek and slight layer of the stubble on his jawline.

Spock's hands remained on the table, as if instinctively reaching towards Kirk... _wanting_ , _yearning_ , _to hold him and never let him go_.

The touch of their lips became a telepathic touch; the brief surge of the other's thoughts feeling like a jolt to the stomach.

Kirk sensed acceptance, and remorse over Edith's death. But above all, Kirk was mentally embraced with longing, and wholehearted, selfless love.

Naturally, Spock experienced the telepathic touch too; the surprise brought on by the feeling of Kirk's lips on his broke his usually strong mental shields. However, all he could distinguish was uncertainty and _possibly_ lust.  

'Oh Jesus, sorry- _shit_!' Kirk exclaimed, reflecting the overwhelming confusion and delight felt by both men. 

Their eyes locked, neither sure of _anything_ ; however Kirk had an absurd desire to hug Spock, to show how he cared for him so much it hurt.

But fear was too much of a powerful incentive.

Feeling tremendously hopeless, Kirk stood up, apologized again, and left the cafeteria in a hurry... Maybe he wasn't ready after all.

Spock continued to sit alone in the cafeteria for several minutes, staring blankly at the opposite wall. Kirk's intense confusion was evident even without the telepathic communication; his feelings were not clear... maybe it was too soon after Ms. Keeler's death. The affection Spock felt for Kirk was possibly too strong, too demanding...

What if their friendship could not get past this? Spock thought fretfully, realizing that this kiss may have been a mistake on Kirk's behalf.  Spock felt a tinge of sadness at the thought of having to leave the Enterprise for good.

His anxiety was only relieved by the fact that he would be on Altair tomorrow continuing the assignment, rather than on the bridge all day with Kirk. Kirk's passionate nature often overwhelmed himself; and Spock knew Kirk well enough to ascertain that distance seemed necessary for them both.

****

'Sir, Mr. Scott reports that the maintenance on the warp drive has gone well, we'll be able to leave the Altair system at whatever speed you wish...Captain?'

Uhura stared down at the man in the chair at the centre of the bridge, who did not seem to be listening to any of her reports that morning.

'Oh, yes, Lieutenant. Carry on your duties,' Kirk replied absentmindedly, leaving Uhura thankful that the state of the Enterprise was calm and collected, and not requiring the Captain's full attentiveness.

Captain Kirk's attention rather, was directed at either the science station, where Spock was organizing a schedule for his science team or at the ceiling whenever Spock looked as though he would turn towards Kirk. Uhura did not need to be a highly perceptive Communications Officer to sense the tension between her Captain and First Officer.

Other members of the bridge too, exchanged glances when the two commanding officers greeted one another sternly; the usual warmth between them was _noticeably_ missing, as if they were simultaneously avoiding one another and attempting to maintain a sense of normality.

Kirk was still kicking himself over how he handled the previous evening's events, letting his confusion overwhelm him, and any of his consideration for Spock's emotional fragility.  He had neither rejected nor fully accepted Spock's feelings for him by kissing him and then running away like a coward, so he could not blame Spock for maintaining physical _and mental_ distance between them.

This did not seem to have an effect on Kirk's libido, leaving him with a strange combination of sexual frustration and shame. He was close to outwardly exclaiming relief when Spock unemotionally announced he was heading to the transporter room.

Their relationship, and especially the professional aspect of it, could not stay like this for long; Kirk knew he could not push Spock away, just how he did in New York.  His fear of losing yet another person he cared for was still pulling him backwards, preventing him from fully opening his heart.


	9. Chapter 9

The science team swore they heard the word "Fascinating," as their Vulcan first officer fell to the ground, after unfortunately inhaling the poisonous spores from an innocent-looking flower.

Hours later, Spock woke in the ship sickbay, quite annoyed with himself for interrupting his own analysis of the planet's wetland flora.

He was certain Doctor McCoy looked extremely close to laughter as Kirk got up from his chair with a start and determinately stepped towards Spock's bed. Kirk looked distinctly worried, and Spock's heart fluttered at the thought of him waiting impatiently by his bedside, despite the disastrous aftermath of his confession.

 _Urgh, how_ incredibly _human,_ he thought with an inward sigh.  

'He's fine, _Captain_ , lucky Spock was only interested in a single flower,' said McCoy with a smirk. The doctor then turned his attention to Spock, who was now sitting up in bed.

'We're trying to isolate the toxin in the labs now, but those spores seem to just work on the cardiovascular system,' McCoy explained 'Lowered your blood pressure and heart rate dramatically, which is why you fainted.'

'You also hit your head when you fell, so we...well I was afraid you had some sort of concussion,' Kirk interjected, his eyes looking downwards to meet Spock's. 

McCoy suddenly look frustrated; he raised an eyebrow and muttered something about checking over an immunoassay result.  (Indeed, the doctor felt as though he'd have a stress-related coronary arrest if he continued to be a part of this awkward- most likely sexual, situation.)

Kirk watched Bones leave, and immediately felt uncomfortable being alone with Spock, who was eyeing him seriously.

'Captain I must apologize for my very non-scientific approach to the local flora, it was-'

'Stupid,' Kirk interrupted with a small smile, though still deep in his contemplations.

Rather than running to the sickbay after being notified of Spock's injury as per usual, Kirk found himself in his quarters requesting beer from his food replicator.  Uhura contacted him several times, requesting that he contact some admiral who demanded progress on the Altair mission. Utilizing his own self-confidence, he decreed it could wait until tomorrow, or at least until Spock was conscious.

When Kirk heard of Spock's injury, he immediately imagined losing him. Just like Edith. Except, it seemed to fill his mind with a much more crippling anxiety; evidently the mere _thought_ of Spock _dying_ made Kirk feel like he was losing a vital organ; the thought of living without his constant, caring presence, made Kirk feel alone, useless and weak. Such a feeling was experienced every time Spock was sick or in mortal peril.

Denying it was stupid, especially after _he_ kissed him. Kirk knew he was in love with Spock.

It had begun many months ago, interrupted by other romantic flings, delayed by Edith Keeler, prevented by their busy Starfleet positions.

No one else made him smile as much as Spock, _everything_ Spock did seemed to enthrall Kirk endlessly.  Even Edith, and most other beings encountered on their five-year mission could see how close they were- it was a type of familiarity Kirk had never experienced before.

Kirk recalled how exciting it was for them to live together (well, initially), and his heart leapt at the thrilling thought of being _bonded_ to Spock months or years from now, which felt more intimate and special than a marriage contract.  

Kirk almost panicked at the thought, he never felt such a definite, all-round _commitment_ to someone before. Any previous relationship ended before the word engagement was even mentioned, he truly never desired it before.

So it was with these exhilarating thoughts that he spluttered at warp speed:

 _'I'm not entirely sure what a bondmate entails, but Spock, I just know I want to be yours_ ,' 

Kirk then paused to collect himself.

'I love you. And will all my heart, I'm sorry... about what I put you through,' Kirk ran his fingers through his hair, 'I've been a huge jackass.'

In response, Spock had sat up even straighter in bed, his expression conveying slight amusement. The bed was high enough, and Kirk short enough, so that they were almost at eye level.

'Quite a thought-provoking way to describe yourself, Jim,' he said gently,

Kirk grinned towards the floor at Spock's version of a joke, suddenly feeling strangely _shy_.

He had practically _seen Spock naked_ , shared secrets with him, commanded a starship with him, even shared an apartment with him, and yet James T. Kirk was blushing like a teenager on their first date.

'An apology is not necessary, our momentary mind-meld showed me how agitated your emotional state was. Although your grief for Ms. Keeler seemed to translate into anger towards me, you should not feel guilty, _ashaya_.'

Kirk did not need to ask Spock to translate the Vulcan term of endearment.

Though Kirk definitely felt like it, kissing did not seem right to him. So he extended his arm and reached downwards for Spock's hand, certain Spock would appreciate him taking things slowly.

Spock on the other hand, truly did not know how to process Kirk's revelation. For once, the Vulcan even doubted he was _awake_ , as the man standing by his bedside tenderly took his hand.

The touch of hands was just as exhilarating as their earlier kiss, yet was even more significant for Spock who telepathically sensed the self-assurance and affection almost _radiating_ from Kirk.

As their fingers entwined, a smile immediately reached Spock's eyes, making Kirk feel as though his heart would explode.

 _'You're beautiful_!' The Captain spluttered with a short laugh, immediately wondering where the charming, smooth Captain Kirk had gone.

Despite the butterflies in his stomach, for the first time in months Kirk felt secure and happy. Edith, his grief, his pain, seemed light-years away.

He prayed that the intercom wouldn't whistle or the alert lights flash, because at that moment, nothing else seemed to matter except that Spock loved him.

***

Spock lay face up in bed, as he briefly meditated before sleep. Kirk's forehead rested gently against his shoulder; recently disheveled golden hair slightly tickling olive skin. One of Kirk's arms devotedly stretched over Spock's bare stomach, and Spock allowed himself to lightly touch the tanned fingers, getting telepathic snippets of contentment and calmness of the first stages of sleep.  

Although Spock seemed to be his usual composed-self as life on the Enterprise continued, inside he was overcome with happiness, and a sense of completeness. It was as if his Vulcan half and human half had set aside their differences, and ultimately agreed on something.

His human half could not deny his feelings for Kirk caused him great pain and distress initially; his jealously and fear was tortuous enough to make him lose complete emotional control.

Yet Kirk seemed to understand, and even empathize with his jealousy. To Spock it showed Kirk accepted his flaws; making him feel better about his volatile human half, the half that wanted to never stop _smiling_ at the mere sight of Kirk! He could not help being fascinated by how his affection for Kirk could transform like this, into something that he did not need to be ashamed of.  Spock felt proud of his love for Kirk; it elated him and gave him a purpose distinct from Starfleet. 

Even his Vulcan nature saw Kirk as a true and valuable friend, a caring brother, and a compatible lover: _t’hy’la_ in every sense of the word.

He knew his Vulcan half could "accept" his feelings, and would help to control them if they became too wild or overpowering. Thus, with time, Spock realized that his two halves did not need to be at war with one another, his father's blood was a rational and calming voice for his passions and anxieties.  

There were many Vulcans who bonded for their own versions or definitions of "love,” his mother and father for instance. Although, what he felt for Kirk was naturally uncommon for Vulcans, especially those who were bonded merely for procreation's sake. Spock, whenever he did devote time to such thoughts, felt troubled by this idea, having children with someone who neither understood nor _knew_ him.

Yet, was it not logical to be with someone who is your equal, who complements your own _katra_ , who allows your life to prosper?

Of course, on a serious, unromantic note, there was much for him to consider. He was still "engaged" to T'Pring, though his feelings for Kirk had long ago driven away his sense of _koon'ul_ to her.

Thus, Spock was resolved that his bond to T'Pring should be dealt with when the time came; that is, when his cycle would implore him to return to Vulcan. Nonetheless, they had not seen one another for more than a decade, and Spock had been certain for years that he was not the proper suitor for her.

Also, he and Kirk's relationship would have to be disclosed to Starfleet; Spock almost grimaced at the thought of having to be so open to the _admiralty_ when Kirk pointed this out. (Then again, Spock found the idea of informing Sarek and Amanda just as embarrassing).

Nevertheless, whatever any Vulcan, scientist, or Starfleet Admiral may state otherwise, Spock, as he turned in bed to hold his t'hy'la closer, considered his logic on this matter to be _perfectly_ valid. 


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: contains high amounts of fluff.   
> Thanks again for all the kind reviews and waiting for me to finish :)   
> Soundtrack:   
> King & Lionheart- Of Monsters and Men  
> Endless Summer-Jezabels cover by Josh Pyke

'Jim you appear to be exhibiting the same excitement as the evening you discovered the pajamas,' Spock said, with a raised eyebrow directed towards the 34-year-old man retrieving a second floral mid twentieth century-style apron from the matter replicator, 'For some reason this fills me a sense of... trepidation.'

'Spock, you'll look _spectacular,_ trust me!' Kirk replied, struggling to hold himself together due to laughter, 'And these were the only ones available in the replicator.'

Spock raised both eyebrows in exasperation, and allowed Kirk to tie the apron strings around his neck and waist. He knew there was no point arguing when Kirk was got enthusiastic.

As they now relied on food replicators in the 23rd century to cater for the hundreds of crewmembers, the kitchen aboard the Enterprise was comparable to an average house's. Normally, due to the limited space, amateur chefs had to sacrifice their hobby while in space. For Kirk and Spock's case, it was approximately one in the morning; soon after the beta-shift crewmembers had finished their version of lunch, leaving the ship's kitchen free for the Captain and First Officer's private use.

Spock, who decided a simple recipe was a logical starting point, watched Kirk as he replicated every ingredient for plomeek soup with quiet intensity, as if adding an extra carrot would cause an explosion. 

'Jim.... Though Vulcan cuisine is inherently logical, and focused on nutrient requirements, most _Vulcans_ do not follow recipes as scientifically as you do,' Spock said, with amusement that only Kirk could possibly detect.

Kirk soon relaxed and began chopping vegetables with ease, very keen to impress Spock. After his previously disastrous cooking experience, Kirk was determined to show his future bondmate that he _could_ command a kitchen.

'I believe you're enjoying my hesitancy here, Mr. Spock!' Kirk cried defiantly, noticing Spock's eyebrows rise as he intensely contemplated how much salt to add to the now-sautéed vegetables.

'You are accurate; it is rather human of me, but I do enjoy watching you,' Spock replied timidly as he stirred the soup beside Kirk.

Kirk grinned and turned to lean up and kiss Spock on the cheek, his attention evidently no longer on the soup; he then muttered a sentence suggesting that his Vulcan lover teach him to cook while only wearing the apron. He continued to smile widely at Spock, who blushed despite the fact that they were alone.

In these early days, both wondered what life was like before this; the transition to lovers felt natural and gradual, thus their friendship did not seem degraded or threatened. Though Spock could never pinpoint where his platonic feelings began to transform, Kirk began to realize that he had been falling in love with Spock since they first met.

Home was where Spock was; the Enterprise, his command, could not be the same without his presence. In some strange way, he knew their hearts and minds would always be joined.

Edith Keeler had been very right when she guessed where Spock felt he belonged. However, she had not realized that Kirk too, had always been, and would always be, by Spock's side.


End file.
